Seymour J. G. Egerton, ohne Datum
Dear Herr Hofkapellmeister,
It is not easy to express to you the pain with I write to inform you that I must relinquish my studies at any rate for this Semester; the fact is I find that my temperament is not equal to the confinement in doors without which I can produce no work. If I found that I could suffer in health and yet do good work, I should be the last person to give in; but as I find that working injures my health and at the same time renders me incapable of producing anything fit for your inspection, the case seems quite hopeless.
I have for some days completely regained my physical strength; and have been labouring conscientously at the Canons; the only result being headache upon headache.
At the age of most of your pupils I should have treated all this with supreme contempt; and have persevered night and day until either "death or victory" arrived; and indeed in early life I rather overdid those extreme measures; I have in fact learned some degree of caution from experience.
Today I determined to take a long walk and make my decision before the evening; and this decision I have now written to you. To anyone but yourself I should have been content to write that I regretted that circimstandes prevented me from availing myself for the present of your instruction; but to you, who have always treated me more as a friend that a pupil, I feel I owe these explanations. - There is much that requires my presence in England for a longer portion of the year than I have given during these three years; and it may be that an "arrière pansée" of home has something to do with the difficulty I find in giving my whole mind to the theoretical studies in music.
This difficulty I propose to meet by coming :to Munich perhaps twice a year for six weeks, during which periods, and with an absolutely free mind, I feel that I might derive infinite benefit for many years from your advice; and I make so free as to assure myself that you would be so kind as to give me that advice under those circumstances.
As matters stand, it must be as annoying to you to have me as a pupil, as it is for me to have to prove so unsatisfactory to my teacher. - Therefore I had forced myself to write you this letter, the contents of which pray communicate to Frau Rheinberger, who has, as well as yourself, always shown me such invariable kindness and symathy. I have forced myself to write, lest I should hesitate tomorrow; but now the matter is settled, and I send my letter by hand.
Tomorrow I go early for a few days tramp on foot in the mountains; and on my return I hope to have composed myself into tranquillity; when I will of course come and call upon you. - Light as the matter may seem to you, I assure you that it is one that causes me a very "unangenehmes Gefühl".
Believe me Every yours sincerely
Seymour J.G. Egerton.
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